Thanks to the standard seven-figure salary afforded to the regular Evergreen columnists, it’s easy for me to forget that not everyone can afford to buy new games on a weekly basis. Never fear, as I’ve got the perfect solution to keep you gaming while still paying your dues to Uncle Sam. With all the money you’ll save using this handy video game replacement guide, you’ll be able to pay your taxes, your neighbor’s taxes, buy a AA baseball team, fashion a whole line of designer clothing made of $100 bills, and perhaps even pay the increased tuition next year.

I’m totally kidding about the tuition thing, that’s way too expensive. If you want to save this kind of cash, just replace the expensive titles all of your friends are playing with free, comparable alternatives like these: While your friends play: “Halo 3,” “Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare.”

You play: “Quake Live.” “Quake Live” is a free-to-play, completely browser-based version of the online multiplayer shooter “Quake III Arena.” Because it plays in your Internet browser, “Quake Live” will run on almost any computer without any problem whatsoever.

While your friends play: “World of Warcraft.”You play: “Shin Megami Tensei: Imagine,” “Perfect World International,” and others. A year’s worth of “World of Warcraft” playtime alone will run you up to $180 – and that’s after you’ve already coughed up about $80 to buy the actual game. What the dirty little secret developer Blizzard doesn’t want you to know, however, is that there are countless free-to-play massively multiplayer online games already available on the Internet. “Shin Megami Tensei: Imagine” and “Perfect World International” allow players to train demons and fly around on giant flaming swords, respectively. “World of Warcraft” lets you train crabs and ride turtles. I’ll let you decide what’s cooler. mWhile your friends play: “Wii Fit.” mYou play: real, honest-to-God exercise.

Save yourself $90 and the embarrassment of being judged by a video game avatar. The Rec Center is chock full of extremely amiable, competent employees, ready to assist at a moment’s notice. Plus, they’ll actually be able to resuscitate you in the event of an emergency. I’d like to see the Wii Balance Board do that.

While your friends play: full “Xbox Live Arcade” games. You play: Xbox Live Arcade trials. “Xbox Live Arcade” is a treasure trove of largely unexplored gaming experiences. The service’s extensive backlog guarantees you’ll be able to play free trials for weeks without spending a dime. It’s the video game equivalent of filling up on Costco samples.

If your pockets aren’t lined with gold bullion by now, you’re obviously in need of a more comprehensive financial overhaul. For those of you who followed my advice and are now rolling in surplus funds, I congratulate you. Your efforts have proven once and for all that, global economic recession or no, it’s the frugal geeks who shall inherit the Earth.